Monday, August 1

About My Extended Families and Beautiful People

Recently, a number of people have been asking me about my previous job, and what's my "dream job".
Well, I can say that in this life, in this world and time, my "dream job" was my previous job.

I was just an ordinary teacher teaching and walking alongside extraordinary beautiful children. They were different in the eyes of almost everyone, they were "labelled" as I am now.

Perhaps a little history of my life, before I even breathed my first gasp of air. When I was in my mother's womb, I was a deformed fetus. In the first place the probabilities for me to even be conceived were close to nil. And when the time came closer for me to be delivered, the doctors confirmed and prepared my parents to expect a baby that would be severely physically and psychologically deformed. What they could see was that I had no arms apart from other defects, and also that I had Hydrocephalus. And my parents were really worried, but my dad, being a person who doesn't express himself easily actually wrote a letter to me before i was born. In the letter it said that that he would still love me no matter how I turned out to be. Somehow the letter got lost, I never got to see it, but it meant a lot to me...because i don't get to see that side of my father very much...

So, during the delivery cramps, a group of close family friends including my Godparents from Singapore were anxiously waiting and praying in the waiting room. And when the doctor came into the waiting room, he said it was a miracle because I was perfectly normal. And I remember my mum telling me that she took so much pleasure counting my toes and fingers.

Sorry that I tend to digress.

Back to my previous "job". I wouldn't really call it a job, because calling it a job would make it a chore and it would involve an agreement of wages. It was more like my life. It it was more like my family. Each and every one of them, all of their parents, and their siblings, everyone of them, they became my family, my friends. So people often say that I must be a very patient and good hearted person for being a teacher for children with learning difficulties. But you know what? Nothing in me was ever patient or understanding until I had the privileged to spend time with them.

I taught them, and learnt to know them as a person, beautiful people they really are,..and they changed a lot about how I saw things. And they taught me to listen without words being spoken, and they taught me to understand an uncommon language, that it is entirely possible to communicate with no mutual form of language at all. They let me in to their beautiful, brave and pure world, and they let me stay awhile and just revel in the moment of seeing the world through their eyes.

Most people think that they are "hopeless" fact we are the ones who are "hopeless" if we are so ignorant to think that we are so very different. We are all built with a common design, heart, soul and mind. And where there are those commonalities, we are all capable of feelings, love and joy. We are very wrong to walk away when someone talks or communicates with us differently, thinking that they don't make sense. We would be the ones at lost.

So that was what I did as a "job", working alongside my very special family, silently listening, understanding and coaching. And even the smallest step forward will always means a lot to me, greater than any Olympic medal, because of what they have in them and the strength and perseverance thay have put into the things they try to learn.

Sometimes, I think that we are being somewhat unfair. We keep trying to make them understand our world. But why don't we try to understand theirs as well? If you haven't met a beautiful person like I've described, you should, because it would definitely be your loss if you have never had done so.

This is also the reason why I enjoy training other teachers about the precious ones. There is so much that we miss when we only want them to be "normal". But when we see them as "person's" everything changes, and there will come a time when a beautiful connection will be secured.

Honestly,...I have always felt that they made more sense to me, than  the many people termed "normal" to me.

And so, now about me being "labelled" as they have been. I guess it happens all the time. When you are 'different" in some ways, like me, having clinical depression. We get misunderstood all the time. Or I think I do. People would feel obligated to be gentle to me and be nice to me in fear of hurting me. But its kinda like the same thing you know, when you try to see through my eyes. I am trying, and you will know, if you see hard enough, that we are all very much alike.

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway." 
~Fr. Jerome Cummings

They knew me, but they let me in to their world anyway...and that is priceless. I am in another "job" now, which I hope will be temporary because my heart belongs to those very very beautiful people, to my extraordinary friends.And I have met some new extraordinary friends too, whom I believe will slowly help me heal and find my  way back where I belong.

p/s. In a different world, a different place and time, my dream job would a forensics psychologist, criminal profiler, or human behaviour psycholgist >.< but i guess i'm happy about the time and place i am right now =)


  1. your picture is sooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!! hehe... i was just talking with Jecy today that i find them amusing, no matter whether they're kids or adults. it's their unpretentious nature that i like best :)

  2. I always wondered why autism until now, thank you for sharing this with me, what you've done and you are doing at the moment is a very beautiful thing. And I believe that even if you are not in your previous 'job' now , you still touch peoples heart, be it people who are being labelled 'different' or 'normal'.

    Sometimes we can't do what we love to do so much, but I think it's okay as long as we are being the best we can, then we can touch people heart no matter wherever we go and wherever we are. And then one day life will lead us back to the path we so much yearn for , doesn't life works in such an amazing way afterall? :)

  3. sweet and truthful thoughts...i enjoyed working with the kids, they were cheeky yet i learnt to enjoy the cheek-iness (no such word..ahha)in them. I think the best part, I learnt to listen to them more often rather than listening to Hap Choy more..hahah

  4. Suan See and Tina, the kids...they were my life and will always be part of me.And how precious it is to know when they show you that they know you love them too.

    p/s. Tina, Hap Choy is as important =p cos He din put him in your life, you might not be right here right now? Anyways, savor every moment, cherish every memory. =)

    Dearest Beii, Its not only Autism, really, it's all of them. Whatever names or diagnosis,they are very beautiful people, if only we could just teach our hearts to see so. I am happy that you read this, and please do pass on the awareness whenever you can ^_^ (i said "please" lols)

    Thank you so much, Beii, for your encouraging words, the second paragraph of your comment really touched my heart deeply. I have truly found a friend in you <3