Sunday, August 26
I remember you and think of you often. All the things you said and taught me. But somehow it feels that I am forgotten. And replaced, and that I have faded away from your being.
I want so much from you that I have been hoping, but that hope has hurt me, and the pain has turned into anger and the anger into disappointment, and the disappointment into not believing that anything will ever change. Maybe it is just the way you are. And I am just the way I am.
Maybe I am not what you had intended to mold out of me. And that I am one of your "failures" that you do not wish to think about. But I cannot forget. I say I cannot believe or hope from you but yet there are tears making their way out of my stubborn eyes. I can only think it is because I still love you. And that I want to believe that you love me too. And the tears represent the reality that I am still waiting and that I do not want to lose you without knowing who you are. Without knowing you like I should and not how others have come to know you more than I do.
I love you. And I do not know how much of this you will understand. And how long I have been waiting. Is it possible to wait and wait until second chances are no longer possible? Is there really a point where it is too late? even if you wish it weren't? If there is, I feel incredibly close to it.
I love you. You may not know how much, but all I have is whatever is past, but you are still here and I am jealous that I am not part of your present. I cry, I hate, but still I love you. I have no other way of telling you this. Because everytime I say "I love you", it really means "don't forget me, please, and that I still need you and that i wish you could make me feel like I am still part of your life".
Labels: pourings of my heart